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Posts from the ‘Blog’ Category

Whats wrong with people

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Are humans inherently selfish? These days I find myself questioning the motives of friends, family and society itself. People just generally seem to be all for them self and the harsh truth is no one seem to genuinely care about the well-being of the other party. The world seems to lack empathy as a man will have no remorse for scamming hardworking citizens of their life savings. People seem to feel no sense of guilt for causing pain.

Sigmund Freud was the founder of psychoanalysis, a theory which explains human behaviour. He believed that the human self is divided into three parts. His conception of the three-part self is made up of the Id, Ego and the Super-ego.

He believes that the Id is a bunch of instincts aimed at gaining pleasure and avoiding pain and this part of our personality will always be the most dominant. It is the version of ourselves that is endlessly demanding and selfish. It’s unreasonable and hard to please. It’s like a spoilt brat in some sense. He states that the logical law of thought does not apply to the Id. It has no judgement of moral value it just seeks pleasure for itself.

The second part of ourselves he argues is the ego. The ego comes across as the reasonable modest of the three. It is the negotiator. When the Id acts up making unreasonable request it tries to keep it in check. The ego stands for reason and good sense. It’s like a reality check. However, being weaker, it tries to satisfy the pleasure of the Id, the Super-ego and the external world. When people go the see a therapist this is the part of themselves that they seek to strengthen.

The super ego is like the Id, it’s irrational and represent the main adversary of the Id. It is the stern parent of our self that deals in guilt and set impossible standards of moral perfection. This is shaped by our parents or religion and this feeling of guilt is called the ego ideal or standards of impossible perfection. It’s like when parents expect their kids to be the president one day and go down in history as one of the most successful human beings to ever walk the face of the earth. Or to be at the top of their classes all the time and get perfect grades all the time. What happens is that children begin to internalize these impossible expectations. This is the ego ideal. Therefore the super-ego has these two parts, the conscience representing guilt and the ego ideal.

When the super-ego tries to fulfill these impossible tasks it opposes the self-serving pleasure principle of Id and the reality principle of the ego while always trying to impose its own morality as it represents the morality principle.

Freud went on to argue that there is no remedy for the subconscious warfare between the three parts of our personality and that we are doomed to suffering. The greatest suffering he alluded to was that of interpersonal suffering. The one we cause one another and our inability to resolve it. The pain we inflict on the people we have intimate relationships with, even family members in an argument or dispute. Sometimes the people will find the harshest things to do or say just to upset you or hurt you intentionally. Ever wonder why? Freud believed that in our unconscious we want to hurt others and because of the Id in our personality we get immense pleasure from it  and will not admit it to ourselves or else we will be punished by our super-ego through guilt. As a result most people rarely even apologise for causing hurt and even if they do they often repeat the offense. He believes that men are wolves to one another. Humans are cruel and brutal and warfare proves the truth to that.

Are humans inherently selfish? if we are to go by our dominant instinct then the answer seem obvious. The harsh reality is people out there derive pleasure from you pain. they feel good when they make you feel bad. and it doesn’t get more selfish than that.

 

Why we should care what other people think about us.

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It has been a common theme of individuals I have come across that people’s opinion of them does not  matter. As a result of modernization, it is easy to see why people would gravitate to such a belief. It’s 2018 and many believe that people should be allowed to do what they want, whenever and however they want, without judgement. They are within their right to think that way but you have to ask yourselves these simple questions. Why do most loan officers ask you for references? Why do we lie on our resumes? why do we dress up for dates and interviews? why do we put up a front on dates? pretending to be full when you want to dive into that last slice of cheesecake?

Here are my three reasons why we should care what other people think about us.

  1. To gain trust. Relationships are the foundation of every society. Whether  between a mother & her son, a wife & her husband, bonds between siblings, a pastor & his congregation or government and the people; It is critical that trust is embedded in the mix. It is difficult for a failing government to gain trust from the people if it has a past tarnished by corruption nor is it easy for a spouse to gain the trust of a partner  after cheating numerous times before. No one is perfect but once people view you as a cheater, a liar, a thief or any negative connotation, trust will become an issue. Your intentions will always be questioned. Ask yourself, if I make this choice what will people think of me and will anyone trust me ever again? would you trust you?
  2. To build a long lasting legacy. Have you ever been in a spot of bother?Only to have someone come to rescue but right before they save you they drop this line, ‘your father was a good person,” it’s the least I can do.’ or something of the sort. My point is, a good rapport extends beyond just you its something that affects a generation of people and will live on. I don’t know about you but I would sleep soundly knowing that if anyone I love face a difficulty in life, there will be someone out there to use the good rapport as a benchmark to help him out. Maybe I am the only one who believe things like that. But how will people remember you? as a honest person? or a sleazy scumbag? will they focus on your good needs or that you only cared about yourself?
  3. For love. “I want to be loved” is one truism to which we can all relate. It is hard to love anyone or anything that goes against what you believe or stand for. People tend to have a greater love for someone they think are like them. How many times have you told a date you liked something they liked just so they would think you had similar interest? because deep down we know that what our date thinks of us will determine if we get a second date. Most parents wont admit they have a favorite but they do, the one that reminds them of themselves the most. I have met a lot of persons who have a very rotten attitude who are proud to let you know that they will never change and they don’t care what you think. a mindset like that makes for a toxic relationship and offers you a partner that is very hard to love and a coworker that very hard to work with. Would you find it easy to love someone who does not care what you think?

 

At the end of the day what people think about you matters greatly and can have a lasting impact on your life. ” A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, loving favor than silver and gold”. I am not encouraging people to try and be someone they are not but we should all seek to ensure that we are perceived in a good light. If you already have a tarnished reputation get started on making a better name for yourself. Let when people think of you they think of someone with great integrity.
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